"When Sparrows Fall"

Brett Merrick pastor of Reality Santa Barbara reflects on his 9 year-old daughter's fight with cancer and openly shares his struggles as she was diagnosed with cancer for the 4th time:

"When Sparrows Fall"

If you don't have time to listen to the 54 minute video, fast forward to the end (at 20 minutes left) and listen to Brett share about his struggles over the past 3 years.

Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.  Matthew 10:28-31

When studying the Bible about suffering, I've to found that God doesn't answer the question of "Why?" Instead, He points us to "Who".  Like with Job...or Lazarus.

Note: I wrote this post last week but never published it.  This morning when checking Daisy's blog, I found the following post:

At 2:40am this morning our sweet Daisy went to be with Jesus. She was sleeping and in no pain. Christ is with us as the God of all comfort. We are thankful.
Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?” (John 11:25-26)
Daisy believed this and so do we. More than ever.
Love,
The Merricks
(At this time funeral plans are still forthcoming. Please check back this week for more info and details.)

I have never met the Merrick family or attended a Reality service, but their honesty and transparency through their struggle has been inspiring.  Daisy's death comes at the beginning of lent when as Christians we reflect on the final days of Jesus leading up to his death and resurrection.  A time to ask ourselves: Do we really believe this?  Even in the death of a child.  A terminal diagnosis.  An unknown future.

And if we do believe John 11:25-26, are we bold enough to risk our reputation and friendships to tell and show others the hope we have received?

Let us not love with words or tongue but with in actions and in truth.  

1 John 3:18

"The Silence That Keeps Me Awake"

I wish I would have thought of this title, but I stole it from Del Tackett's blog (published Jan 20, 2011). For years I have noticed that my most "productive" thinking happens while trying to fall asleep or while driving...resulting in difficulty sleeping and distracted driving.

I like this song because the song

(1) breaks the silence on the regret, pain, healing, and forgiveness of abortion

(2) validates the pain that men experience when dealing with abortion  (Our culture seems to forget that men suffer and grieve the loss as well as women.)

(3) describes the story of a couple's journey to closure and healing

This video was not uploaded by Skillet and is not the official music video.

Skillet - Lucy (Lyrics)

Lead singer John Cooper tells the story behind Skillet's song "Lucy".  (The interview that I originally accessed over a year ago has been removed from You Tube, Air1, and Skillet blogs.)

Today marks the 40th anniversary of Roe v. Wade.  A Supreme Court decision that politicians thought would end the debate on abortion once and for all, like it had with integration.  But 40 years later, we look back at a nation still divided and struggling.

Since the decision in 1973, the Guttmacher Institute (AGI) and Center for Disease Control (CDC) estimate that over 50 million babies have been killed.  A disproportionate number of African American and Hispanic babies are killed compared to non-Hispanic White babies.   37% of women who have had abortions identify themselves as Protestant while 28% identify themselves as Catholic. Taking into account current and past rates, AGI estimates close to 1 in 3 women will have an abortion.*

Let that resonate with you. Nearly one-third of women!

Yet, the topic of abortion has largely remained out of the pulpit. Why?

Let us remember that to be silent is to act.  As Bonhoeffer said,

"Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless.  Not to speak is to speak.  Not to act is to act."

Lord, forgive us, the Church, for ignoring the truth surrounding abortion. For being quick to judge and not offer mercy and healing. Let us recognize that abortion isn't only a struggle for those outside the Church. Continue to rise a people among us who will speak out against this injustice. Remind us that "mercy TRIUMPHS over judgement." Amen.


* From a statistic summary on abort73.com, assessed Jan 2013. Most recent data available from 2009, released Nov 2012

What is your life?

Now listen, you who say, 

"Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, 

spend a year there, carry on business and make money."

Why, you don't even know what will happen tomorrow.  

What is your life?  

You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.

Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, 

we will live and do this or that."

James 4:13-15

I had this post ready to publish for over a week.  Interesting how current events can make it seem more relevant as we reflect on how quickly lives of family and friends can be taken from us.  When reading initial reports of the horrible crime in Connecticut, I came across this article by Albert Mohler.

Even in the midst of mayhem and unspeakable grief, we can find hope.  Please read the entire article for the context of his closing statement.  

God, not the murderer, has the last word. For those in Christ, there is the promise of full restoration. Even in the face of such unmitigated horror, there is hope. “There is hope for your future, declares the Lord, and your children shall come back to your own country.”

For those planning my funeral

I'm not planning on dying anytime soon, but if I do...will you read this during the service?

I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth.  And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see him with my own eyes--I, and not another.  How my heart yearns within me.

Job 19:25-27

Shaking off the Chains

Video

Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me "son
Stop fighting a fight it's already been won"

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I'm redeemed

All my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret
But when I hear You whisper, "Child lift up your head"
I remember, oh God, You're not done with me yet

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be

Because I don't have to be the old man inside of me
'Cause his day is long dead and gone
Because I've got a new name, a new life, I'm not the same
And a hope that will carry me home

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, 'cause I'm not who I used to be

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe every stain, yeah, I'm not who I used to be
Oh, God, I'm not who I used to be
Jesus, I'm not who I used to be
'Cause I am redeemed
Thank God, redeemed

Mike Weaver's story behind the song

Pastor. Martyr. Prophet. Spy.

I can't remember when I started reading Bonhoeffer (over a year ago, maybe?), but the weekend of my birthday, I FINISHED.  Whew!  Not only was it fascinating to read the letters, journal entries, and sermons from a wealthy, non-Jewish German opposed to Hitler, but the parallels to current events were equally engaging.

For those who aren't familiar with his story, here is a brief 1-minute synopsis of the 500+ page biography:

Video

There are so many good quotes that can be pulled from Bonhoeffer's writings...I'll have to save them for another time.  (Bonhoeffer and Lewis are my favorite theologians to quote.)  I'll leave you with one:

"Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless.  Not to speak is to speak.  Not to act is to act."

The Glory of God

I love it when God's Word hits me like I'm reading it for the first time.  Since I've grown up in the Church, many of the stories, parables, life lessons are so familiar that sometimes they are mundane.  And many times I tune out when listening to another sermon on David, Moses, etc. (Note: I'm not tuning out because I feel I know everything or have nothing else to learn, but tune out with the message is over-simplified.  Nor is this a healthy habit.)

Not this morning.  I was listening to a Focus on the Family broadcast called "Trusting God when He Breaks Your Heart".  WOW!  Pastor Ed Underwood talked about how he navigated his faith when diagnosed with a physically painful disease.  During his struggle he found little comfort in praying and reading books on suffering.  His faith was crumbling.  He felt abandon.  The God of the universe wasn't listening.

But that all changed when he reread John 11: The Death of Lazarus.

How many times have I studied this passage?  Maybe in the light of new circumstances I heard things I had never heard.  Having lost Nana suddenly at the beginning of the summer.  Watching a friend and mentor die of cancer while her 3 young kids and husband watched helplessly.  Hearing of friends losing their precious babies to miscarriage and pre-term labor. Being sick for 4 months, longing for life to return to "normal".

Sometimes while we are crying out to God with urgency, expectant hearts, ready for a response, it seems He is sitting back and saying nothing.  Meanwhile, our condition worsens.  Our friends and family die.  How do we react when it appears the very hand of God comes down to strike us or ignore us?

That's exactly where Underwood found himself when rereading the death of Lazarus.  Here's my recap (BTW: I'm leaving out several good points...for instance vs 15...):
1. Jesus was told "the one you love is sick." (vs. 3)
2. Jesus stayed two days before traveling to see Lazarus. (vs. 6)
3. Lazarus was in the tomb for 4 days before Jesus arrived (vs. 17)
4. Martha (Lazarus' sister) greets Jesus, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died..." (vs. 21)
5. Mary (Lazarus' sister) greets Jesus saying the same thing Martha said. (vs. 32)

So far nothing new.  The verse that popped off the page was Jesus' response to Martha's protest for opening the tomb of Lazarus (vs 40)...

Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?

I have always skipped over this verse and focused on the resurrection of Lazarus.  But it is Jesus' words in verse 40 that can give us hope in our grief and suffering.  For Lazarus, the glory of God was revealed in his resurrection.  

But what does the glory of God look like in other circumstances?  I think Wren answered it for her situation in her video.

This new perspective has given me something to ponder as I focus less on seeing my prayers answered and more on seeing the glory of God...

Remembering Heros

I had intentions of posting something light-hearted today, but I couldn't ignore the pain of a former tennis teammate and high school friend.  Today, marks the second anniversary of her husband's death, SrA Daniel James Johnson.  Read her story as she recaps October 5, 2010.  

Not only is Kristen making sense of loosing her best friend, but she is recovering from a September surgery that removed cancer in her abdomen.

Her pain has left me speechless.  I only had tears in my eyes as I prayed for her this morning.

Thank you, Kristen, for your openness and honesty.

As I continue my day, I ponder James 1:2-3, and what it looks like manifested in my life...

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance...

I'm thankful I have Beth Moore and the women at FCC and the Harbor to take the journey with me this Fall.

In Her Own Words

This video was made a month before Wren's death on their 12th wedding anniversary (August 12th).  Wren's words, emotions, and laugh capture her as we remembered her: honest, open and full of joy.  We gathered on Monday night as young couples who used to meet in their house to celebrate her life, memories and pray for the future of her husband and kids.

Grab the tissues and be encouraged by Wren:

Wren Elizabeth Horn peacefully left this earth to be with her Lord and Savior on September 22, 2012 in the comfort of her home in Waco, Texas. Her adoring family surrounded her as she entered the Kingdom of God.

Wren is survived by her devoted husband of twelve years, Brian Patrick Horn of Colleyville; their three children, Braden Patrick Horn, Eli Fletcher Horn, and Grace Elizabeth Horn; her parents, Pamela and Ben Robinson; her brothers and sisters, Graham Jesse Robinson (Tiffany), Brenner Avery Robinson, Emma Claire Robinson (Tim), Molly Ruth Robinson; her grandfather, Robert Brenner, Sr., her parents-in-law, Debbie and Pat Horn; her brother-in-law, Kevin Horn (Jordan); a nephew and nieces, Logan, Zoe, and Jade Wendt; and numerous aunts, uncles, cousins and friends. She was preceded in death by Doug and Ruth Robinson and Elizabeth (Betty) Brenner.

Born in Red Rock, Texas, on October 25, 1977 in her home, Wren graduated from Bastrop High School in 1996 where she served as captain of the Honeybear Dance Team. She spent her childhood surrounded by her siblings and cherished the time spent with them as part of the Red Rock Youth Group where she met many of her closest childhood friends. Wren’s siblings describe her as having a special kindness of spirit about her, such that her brothers, Graham and Brenner, can’t recall ever being angry with her. Her sister, Emma, shares her brothers’ testimony that Wren was the most wonderful sister and Molly recalls how Wren always encouraged her faith, standing next to her as she accepted Christ with Wren by her side at a church camp. 

Wren attended Texas State University (then Southwest Texas State University) and graduated in 2000 where she met her best friend and life partner, Brian, who would soon become her husband. They chose to have a short engagement, marrying on August 12, 2000, just four months following Brian’s proposal on Easter weekend of that year. Their Easter engagement was significant since they shared a love for and commitment to Christ that would shape their lives together. Wren told family and friends that she knew immediately that Brian was the man with whom she wanted to spend the rest of her life.

Wren and Brian spent eight years together before adding to their family. In the early years of their marriage, Wren was dedicated to her career at Procter & Gamble and they traveled extensively, with much of their travel devoted to mission trips and camp counseling. A mission trip to China was one of their most memorable journeys. Wren discovered a love of cooking and found herself uniquely skilled at family relocation, as she and Brian found themselves moving from San Marcos, Texas to Austin, Texas to Georgetown, Texas and back to Austin where they had their eldest child, Braden. Wren and Brian loved every city in which they lived and collected friends everywhere they went. The many friendships they formed have remained strong over the years. Wren adored being a mom and found her calling at home with her children despite originally thinking she would always pursue a career outside the home. While in Austin, Brian felt called to ministry and Wren eagerly and wholeheartedly supported his desire to serve the Lord. While Brian attended seminary and Wren devoted her time to Braden, they entered into ministry as a team in the spiritual sense, with Wren an equal partner in their mission to share their faith and devotion to God with others. Brian’s ministry would take them to churches in Austin, Texas, Santa Maria, California and most recently to Harris Creek Baptist Church in Waco, Texas. Their son, Eli, was born in California and Wren was pregnant with Grace when they moved to Waco and immediately learned of Wren’s challenging diagnosis of metastatic colon cancer. Their church and the larger Waco community rallied around their family in countless and immeasurable ways, serving them and meeting their needs tirelessly and without ceasing for more than a year.

Wren’s character could best be described by her willingness to compromise and sacrifice for whatever was in the best interest of her family, the fact that she knew exactly who she was with no pretense or apology, and that she was the embodiment of a strong, confident and Godly woman. She was defined by motherhood and by her devoted ministry at Brian’s side as his loving, supportive wife. It was not until Wren was ill in the hospital many years later that she would miss a wedding officiated by Brian, as she was by his side and his biggest supporter (advocate) throughout his career.

Wren most loved sharing time with her cherished family and inspired multitudes of people, friends and strangers alike, with her incredible faith and strength of character. She will be missed beyond any description or measure by her family and friends, and she has left an imprint on their hearts that will be felt the rest of their lives. 

A memorial service will be held Saturday, September 29, 2012 at 2 p.m. at Columbus Avenue Baptist Church located at 1300 Columbus Avenue in Waco, Texas

Update from Brian

Yesterday's update from Brian:

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in times of struggle" A lot of times in the midst of suffering we feel God is far away.  Today was one of the hardest days of our life and yet we were able to see God's provision.  The cancer has spread to Wren's leg bone and has compromised the integrity.  Since the cancer spread while Wren was on chemo, she chose to discontinue treatment.  She had some close friends in the room with her while she talked to hospice.  They are delivering all of the medical equipment and bed tonight so we can take her home tomorrow [Thursday].

For our first post on Wren and post from earlier in the week.  

Continue praying for the Horn family: Brian, Wren, Braden (4), Eli (2), and Grace (1)

We rest in who You are

When I first heard "Even If" by Kutless, I was reminded (again) of a question that continues to haunt me.  Some would say, "Why?" but for me it has been how to react when my prayers go unanswered.

I pray for healing, protection, peace, justice...but how do I react when the answer is No.  When the end result is the opposite to my prayer.   "When heartache hits like a hurricane...when the healing doesn't come.  When life falls apart."

Even today as I prayed for friends facing enormous physical battles, I am reminded that God's faithfulness is not dependent on our circumstances.  I must chose to rest in who He is, regardless.  Some days this seems to be the hardest decision in life: to set my eyes on Him and not the circumstances in my face.

"Even If"

I'm often tempted to ask Why.  But as a friend pointed out, I don't think we would be satisfied or would want to know the answer.  C.S. Lewis in A Grief Observed put it this way:

Can a mortal ask questions which God finds unanswerable? Quite easily I should think.  All nonsense questions are unanswerable.  How many hours are there in a mile?  Is yellow square or round?  Probably half the questions we ask--half our great theological and metaphysical problems-- are like that.

While this won't stop me from digging deeper in my faith and asking tough questions, it does give me peace knowing that I "set my faith in who [He is]", not in the ever-changing circumstances of this life.


From Jon Micah Sumrall, front man for Kutless, about "Even If":

This song was sent to me by Scott Krippayne, who wrote What Faith Can Do, and it’s a perfect follow up to that song. Throughout the Bible, we see that the Lord is concerned with the end result. He cares about eternity, about souls being saved. The so-called “prosperity gospel” holds on to certain verses but doesn’t realize that most of them don’t have a timeline. After all we’ve seen in ten years of travel, I can’t sit here and say that we always see everything work out...Yes, we have testimonies of miraculous healing, and that’s great, because God does that too, but sometimes the answer to your prayer is No. When the healing doesn’t come, God is still faithful and just, and He still has a plan and a purpose to bring a glorious end. Ultimately, He’s doing something bigger than your life or my life. If I truly believe that God is who He says He is, I have to trust Him. (source)

Our Last Visit

I am so thankful Callen, Mom and I braved the 115 F weather to visit Nana.  Little did we know it would be our last.

We love you, Nana, and will always cherish the time we spent with you in the desert.  I look forward to telling Callen what a courageous woman you were.

May 2012

May 2012

May 2012

April 2011

Nov 2011

Leaving a Legacy

For the past year I have been trying to chose a verse that illustrates God's vision for our family.  The problem: two many Bible verses speak to leaving a legacy.

Even though I have been thinking about this for awhile, the memorial service we attended on Sunday and the failing health of my Nana arises a new urgency.

I am thankful I have many examples of family, friends and role models that have lived their life selflessly in the service of others.

Daily I have been asking myself:

"What are you going to do with your life that will last forever?" (The Treasure Principle pg. 196)

Dark Night of the Soul

Throughout the Power of a Whisper, Bill Hybels details the importance of listening to and following God as He speaks to us in our daily lives.  In one of his examples, he describes a story from Mother Teresa's book Come Be My Light.  The story resonated with me somewhere deep inside.  

Her (Mother Teresa) letters describe a season that lasted for some years, during which this extraordinary, godly women could not hear the voice of God.  Throughout this painful season, Mother Teresa begged God to cast light on her very dark night.  But for reasons she did not understand, God seemed to be strangely silent.

Her chosen course of action during this disappointed season was incredibly instructive to me.  Instead of growing resentful or hard-hearted, Mother Teresa chose to continue obeying the last whisper she had received from God.  Eventually God began whispering to her again, but throughout that long season of silence, Mother Teresa continued obeying his most recent marching orders.  It's worthy advice.  If you're not hearing much from God these days, go back to the last whisper you received and follow it to the letter.  Perhaps by faithfully executing his last command, a new nudging will have space to emerge.  (The Power of a Whisper, pg. 109)

I'm still processing what this looks like in my own life...

Pure JOY! (part 3)

Another song has been slowly changing my perspective on how to react during difficult times.  My favorite line:

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the achings of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

 

Not entirely sure how I feel about the ramifications of this verse, but it is comforting knowing that I'm not alone.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." 2 Cor 1:3-4

Pure JOY! (part 2)

I’m still pondering what “pure joy” looks like during seasons of trials because the command is contradictory to my natural tendencies.  But then I am reminded of the stories of countless people who have endured affliction, clinging to the hope that only Christ brings.  Here are just a few that come to mind:

Horatio G. Spafford- author of It is Well with My Soul

Fanny Crosby- author of Blessed Assurance 

Josh McDowell- Christian apologist

Chapmen Family- songwriter

But this is why I love the Psalms.  David (and others) cry out to God in complete honesty, declaring their frustration, misery and loneliness during the worst of times.   Don’t believe me?  Check out Psalm 13.  My first thought when reading this prayer: “Can we really pray like this?” Absolutely.

Pure JOY! (part 1)

In elementary school, I memorized this passage (James 1), but it wasn’t until recently that I realized the implications of the verse:

 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.”

 Pure- unmixed, genuine, authentic, real, transparent, unadulterated, complete

Whenever- no matter when

Trials- “something that breaks the pattern of peace, comfort, joy, and happiness” (The MacArthur Study Bible); “the act of trying, testing or putting to the proof” (Dictionary.com)

Perseverance- endurance; patience

“The natural human response to trials is not to rejoice; therefore [followers of Christ] must make a conscious commitment to face them with joy.” (MacArthur Study Bible Notes)  In other words, our JOY should exist, unrelated to the circumstances of life. Yikes!

However, I can’t read these verses and not ask myself,  

“Is this practical?Is this crazy talk? Is it even possible to breathe, after experiencing a terrible tragedy?”